there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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