Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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