maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
im on a boat
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