I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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