I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize