He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
