I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
