I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
