We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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