so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Randomize
