This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
