umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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