with your own penis?
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
