Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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