i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
