I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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