whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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