Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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