it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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