You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
