I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
sarcasm needs its own font
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
