i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
