hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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