11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
