Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
