My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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