I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
