A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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