Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
