But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
