i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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