Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
