I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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