don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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