I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
