So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
