That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
