guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
