So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
