playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
