you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
