I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
