To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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