I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize