Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We need a shit load of segways right now
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
