Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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