It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
