I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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