she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
