I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
4 words: hood of his car
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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