I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
