can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
