I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
