I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
