I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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