Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
