u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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