Plan B is the new Plan A
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
