my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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