dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
