Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize