I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Holy shit dude........stairs
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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