Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
