my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize