This dress was meant to end up on your floor
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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